This Ability to Feel So Deeply
I am this deep, creative being who isn’t interested in small talk.
I’m awkward because I don’t care about nor do I understand surface shit. I don’t know how to talk about the surface shit. It actually irritates me and to a certain extent I just don’t see the point.
I want to know why you feel a certain way, why you think a certain way, how things make you feel.
What you love, what you hate,
what lights you up, what turns you on,
what turns you off and sends you running for the hills.
I want to know what touches your soul, makes you cry, lights up your world,
what wakes you up in the morning,
and what makes you want to hide under the covers and eat a huge tub of ice cream in one sitting.
I crave connection.
Eye to eye, soul to soul, here I am, all of me, here to connect with all of you.
The light in me acknowledges the light in you,
and my corners that once were filled with darkness are here to hold space for the shadows that still dance in yours.
It’s a beautiful thing to feel so deeply yet at times feels like a curse.
I pass people on the streets, offer a smile and can feel their pain and sadness as our eyes meet.
I’m sitting here tearing up as I write this, this feeling of overwhelm swelling up in my throat, the deepness, the craving to feel, the craving for others to be able to feel so deeply, for them to know and understand how much MORE there is to life, how much MORE THEY are, how much MORE is available to them,
if only they were willing to listen to the calling of their soul.
If only they were willing to take a small glance at the darkness inside they continue to run from.
Maybe, just maybe,
the more I feel, the more I express, the more ME I am,
the more others may get a glimpse of this more inside of them.
This infinite stream of life and power that flows not just throughout their body,
but through their mind and soul.
The depths of our love, of our being,
we only have cracked the surface of.
And it hurts more than I’d like to admit, more than I’d like to be present with most days,
because who am I to feel so deeply?
Who am I to access this wisdom, this knowledge,
this deep inner soul knowing.
I crave connection.
Yet at the same time bask in my solitude.
It’s a beautiful thing to feel so deeply.
To have this gift.
To read your energy.
But I didn’t always feel this way.
I use to think, and still do from time to time, that something must be wrong.
That I was too different.
Too messed up and broken.
Because no one could explain to me these feelings deep inside.
So I ran,
I created masks, hid behind labels and searched for my wholeness, my freedom, in the world around me.
Only to be led back to the one Truth I have felt so deeply,
the one, infinite Truth that haunts people searching for it their entires lives,
that everything I have ever needed and ever will need is within me.
That I am the Universe and so are you.
That we are one.
Divine beings, masculine and feminine energies flowing in sync,
Mirroring back to each other exactly what is inside of us,
exactly what we need to evolve, to awaken
exactly what we need to remember,
that there was never anything to search for in the first place.
Because all we had to do was feel,
to turn within and see,
that you are divine, you are whole,
you always have been and always will be.
I love you.
I see you.
I feel you.
I am you.