Holding Yourself Back + Not Even Realizing {plus what happened to lotsasquats}

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IN WHAT WAY IS YOUR THINKING, YOUR BELIEFS + FEARS HOLDING YOU BACK? 

Soo you might have noticed I changed my name. 

No more lotsasquats. 

And no that doesn't mean I'm totally giving up on everything I've worked so hard to create, quite the opposite actually.

I realized that what had been trying to emerge in me after going through my darkest point and diving deep into self discovery, didn't fit the name that had been created a little over 2 years ago.

I love working out + eating right but it’s not the end all be all.

It's not the answer to my prayers like it might have been a few years back.

It’s not that we all so desperately want a certain body, bigger butt + smaller waist.

Its that we all so desperately just want to fucking LOVE ourselves and be truly happy and confident and at peace, live our best life and learn how to deal with our anxiety and that stupid voice in our heads.

And after having the body I’ve always wanted, watching my life fall to pieces, {including that body bc I could barely eat anything}

I realized that I was looking for happiness OUTSIDE of myself rather than inside.

I was trying to fill my life with material things to feel loved, appreciated, whole, confident,

because I didn't believe I was enough.

and in turn was totally ignoring my emotions,

how I felt + what my soul was trying to communicate with me

and ultimately my real purpose in life and who I am as a person.

 

And I realized that the things we THINK we truly want in our outer world, 

we want bc deep down we're actually searching for a certain feeling, 

we want love, 

we want happiness, 

approval, validation, to be liked

we want safety + security

we want our body to look a certain way bc we think it will make us feel good enough, people will like us, we'll feel confident, loved, whatever, but it’s only once we realize that all of those things are already INSIDE of us, 

That we already are whole.

We ARE abundant.

We ARE love.

We ARE enough. Just as we are and not because of anything we think or do,

Only THEN will we experience all those things in our outer world, 

Only then will we know true peace + happiness that doesn’t depend on outer circumstances. 

Only then will we open up to a totally new world and the things we've always wanted will just naturally follow.

Bc we know who we are and know we fucking deserve the best.

 

 

So the past few weeks I had felt stuck, blocked.

I had done all this inner, healing work and was starting to become clear on what I wanted to put out into the world, I could FEEL it, and I KNEW it, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to just GET IT OUT. Share it, start talking about it, start truly helping people. 

And then it hit me.

Who I am and the truth I was trying to share wasn't lotsasquats anymore. 

It didn't fit.

It just didn't make sense.

And I was trying so hard to fit it into this tiny box, this image of what I had created through lotsasquats and I felt a huge disconnect. 

Fear ran through my mind.

 

"You can't change your name Chloe, I mean it's your INSTAGRAM name. It's your website name. What are you thinking."

 

"People aren't going to get it. People aren't going to understand."

 

"You can't change lotsasquats."

 

The old me would have given in to this voice and stayed stuck.

But the new me said WAIT.

WHO SAYS I can't change my name!? 

I created it, so WHY NOT just fucking change it? 

{The new me also realized that words are just words and it's the energy and meaning you put behind them. And cussing is totally just adding emphasis. Ya feel me?} 

I'm not lotsasquats anymore but I'll ALWAYS be Chloe Elizabeth.

So here I am. Changing my name and feelin a million times more free.

More aligned with my truth.

More of a blank canvas in which to express myself fully.

It might seem like such a trivial thing, changing my name on instagram, 

Like "oooo big fucking deal Chlo."

But it's in these seemingly insignificant ways that we end up holding ourselves back from our next big step. 

When in all reality, the answer is always so clear, just staring us in the face, waiting for us to wake up.

We allow the fears, voices in our head, the idea that we have to be and act in a certain way, to dictate how we live our lives. 

And all it does it keep us from fully living.

But when we become conscious of these fears and move THROUGH them, we make room for new ideas to emerge, new opportunities and ultimately who we truth of who we are to truly shine through.

Alll the love,

Chlo

MindsetChloe Elizabeth